Ça plane pour moi.

I think that my family does little things to be reminded of me when I’m not here. For example when I left The Crow at home once my mom watched it because she knew that it was one of my favorite movies. When I once told her to cut her hair in layers, a month or so after I left to Irvine I came back and found that she cut her hair the way I advised her to months ago. When I told my youngest brother that I got into watching wrestling again he started to get into it a bit more too. Whenever I’m home he talks to me about it because he knows that it’s a way for us to have a conversation about something we both now enjoy. I don’t know if my oldest young brother holds on to anything but he listens to RHCP a lot which I introduced him to years ago. I don’t know. Maybe this is all me just trying to find something that they remember me by when I’m gone…but I think I’m on to something…at least a bit. I know that I for one keep my mom’s ring and look at my brothers’ pictures to keep them with me even when I’m at Irvine. Whatever it may mean or not mean, to me it means everything and I hold on to this assumption.

To do list sooner than later

- cut split ends

- contact UCI registrar 

- go to UCI’s counseling office at least one next quarter just to figure stuff out

- buy spring-like shirts :) and new belt

- decide whether to do the ASUCI visions leadership class (no)

- apply for more jobs/go to career center to get constructive criticism (got a job and resume critiqued fall quarter)

- birthdays! 

- buy stuff for semi-formal

- finish CVSA application

- if I don’t learn how to drive this spring, I need to go during the summer.

- sign up for jiu jitsu for tuesdays and thursdays. maybe. (no)

- do housing stuff!

- buy course books

- and other stuff I can’t even remember right now…

So there’s this mustang in our nearest parking lot and I just love it so much! It’d probably be my favorite car ever if I didn’t like my dad’s previous vintage red mustang so much more :)

Just finished watching Bringing Up Baby and agh my new favorite quote is “You’re just a butterfly!” The best and weirdest insult ever! Okay I need to sleep now…

these window raindrops

make a perfect lullaby

in peace I will lie

I’ve been craving rice for the past week now but haven’t eaten any because I was too lazy to make some. So I put this on Facebook after attempting to and failing to read China Men.

“Should really be reading China Men, but I can’t get this song out of my head. So, I’ll just make some rice…”

After a few minutes of it being published I read it over again and realized that it sounds really racist! I had a mini-panic attack oh my god and just deleted the comment because well I’m not racist and the last thing I need is to be perceived as one for my craving…
*sigh*
I’ll go cry in a corner now…

I realized yesterday that I am the worst verbal storyteller in the world! It was fun nonetheless. My love stories are awkward, but they’re not movie awkward-worthy :) Okay, winter quarter is almost over. I got my classes for spring quarter. Honestly, I don’t mind my late enrollment window. My major isn’t impacted enough to cause me so much enrollment frustration. Anyways, I don’t know if I should read the textbook for one of my classes right now because it was honestly useless in the midterm. These are decisions I can semi-deal with though so I’ll figure it out soon. My decision process is really complicated like the other day when I was hungry but not hungry so I was talking to my roommate about it and ended up driving her crazy over my unnecessarily complicated method of deciding whether I should eat late or not. In the end, I decided against it, but it took me a while to get there. Okay that was pointless. I just came here to talk about my bad storytelling and ended up talking about eating. Well on the subject of eating, I’ve been eating a lot less than usual. I wanted to say that it was because I was pretty sick for a bit last week, but I’m not now so maybe I just haven’t had much of an appetite and my body is getting used to this! Oh no. I should eat something heavier later, since I’ve only eaten cereal, a bit of pasta salad, and 3/4 of an orange because I didn’t want to trust that strangely colored piece. Okay this is longer than I intended it. I need to get myself to class…and maybe get my essay back. We’ll see. 

My roommate and her family have generously decided to take me to different restaurants with different types of foods, considering that when I eat out I go to places like mcdonalds, or subway, and such. I’ve gone to a few places and I’m pretty much going to make a list of the places they’ve taken me to so far :) I’ll update it by date but right now I’ll list the places I’ve been to so far.

1. Cheescake Factory

2. Wood Ranch

3. El Torito (birthday)

4. PF Chang’s (some Friday we had off)

5. Islands

6. Sharky’s

and yeah.

and oh taco bell (but that’s not a “real” restaurant)

I am definitely afraid of success. I talk myself out of doing things that may benefit me. For example, yesterday during an improv activity I didn’t participate because I told myself that there was no way that I could be witty on the spot. For years, I’ve told myself that I needed to be more comfortable with myself. Although true, I haven’t taken all of the opportunities to help myself be the person I want to be. Yesterday, being one of them. I could’ve surprised myself but instead I maintained comfort. Don’t get me wrong. I have many ambitions. I just don’t follow through as ambitiously. I’m starting to see that I’m someone who finds comfort in constantly seeking. I can seek and make goals for myself. The chances of me following through are slim. I create obstacles for myself and then move on to a new ambition that I equally don’t follow through on. That realizations is far from comforting. Maybe I’ll take advantage of the free counseling classes that UCI offers and try to figure out why I do this, or get a second opinion. I don’t know. I thought I stopped being in this constant conflict with myself, but it never seems to end.  

Green:

You are motivated by your personal quest for competence and ingenuity. You must be able to solve life’s problems. You are naturally skeptical and often appear to be distant and cool when talking with others. You dislike redundancy and small talk. You prefer work that has an analytical and creative focus where you can perfect an idea then move on to something else. You are a visionary leader who solves problems in a scientific manner. You surround yourself with competent, independent workers. Because you hate to be mentally idle. You spend your leisure time in the solitary pursuit of competence or knowledge. You are driven to understand the world around you and prefer to work by yourself on challenging subjects. Because your head rules your heart, you look for a companion who fits into your intellectual model of the ideal relationship, whatever that is. You were an independent child who asked a lot of questions and liked to experiment and figure things out for yourself. You set your own rules and standards. You did things that caught your interest. You were not very social and enjoyed isolated activities.

Favorite LBJ daily diary moment: Juanita noticing LBJ’s new suit that no one admired all day. Nice little side exchange considering the tragedy that happened hours ago.