F*** it, I feel great

Remembering some recent family conversations

I’ve learned that it is very difficult to explain what an English major is to some of my family members. I just say that it’s like analyzing literature, and yet they don’t get it. I don’t mind if they don’t because honestly I can’t fully explain what it means to be an English major. It’s easier to try and explain something like a Business, Economics, Biology, or Engineering major, but I’m none of those so all my family knows is that I’m going to college and that I tell them I may become a teacher. It’s not far from the truth but it’s not what I am certain on, but I rather just leave it at that than tell them that I’m not completely sure about my future…

Well I’m pretty set on something right now, but I don’t know if I want to tell them about my ambitious desires. They wouldn’t find it practical. As important as taking care of family is to me, I want to make my mark as an individual before I think about only supporting my family or starting one. It’s a lot pressure. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so set on doing so many things. It would make life a lot easier…but I don’t want to live an easy life. Yeah, that’s just another problem. I make everything too complicated for myself.

I’ve been thinking about prom for the past hour and looking at dresses online. It started when I saw this really pretty dress on my dashboard and I thought that would be such a pretty prom dress. Usually I can look at a dress and say that’s nice and leave it at that but not this time. I was prompted to look online for prom dresses and then I don’t know how but I got my mom involved for a few minutes by showing her a few that I thought were nice. The logical person in me says that prom is a waste of money but the emotional and sensitive person in me thinks about how prom is the one thing I’d be crazy to miss out on. I also tried to be rational with my mom telling her that prom is expensive but she was in a way telling me that I should go. I don’t know. If I think about this deeper I guess I’m hesitating to go to prom because I feel that I won’t feel comfortable and I’d just be a complete wallflower which would be a waste of time and money. That’s my main worry. I have a feeling that in the end I’ll be rational about my decision and not go to prom but hang out with my two best friends and go around the city :) I don’t think that spending time with people I’d genuinely prefer to hang out with is bad at all. It’s better actually, for me. However, if I do decide not to go to prom I hope I won’t regret it shortly afterwards. I’ll just leave it at that.